A Different View
You need hands but don’t know what to do with them
It was during a rare moment of reflection during a recent stand-up concert that my mind began to wander and I got to thinking – people really never know what to do with their hands.
The fully engaged fans were waving their paws in the air in time to the music, which was exactly the right thing to do.
But the more reserved spectators had them buried deep into the pockets of their jeans and the supremely self-conscious had them folded across their chests so that they looked like supervisors at a school disco.
The ‘hands buried deep in the pockets’ look used to be the preserve of bored or feckless teenagers; now we’re all at it. Which might just mean that all of those teenagers are now middle-aged and stuck in the habit – or we’re still struggling to find a use for them.
And when you actually think about it – which is something only those of us with sad lives have time to do – we’ve gone from the era of the bell-bottoms and three-buttoned waistline when it was the thumbs alone that acted as the hook to the pocket to keep the hands in place to a time when that practice was completely reversed so that you had the fingers in the tight pockets with the thumbs alone outside to face the world.
Today’s teens have taken the ‘hands in pocket’ look to new levels because they had to work harder to immerse themselves more fully than ever given that their trousers appear to hang somewhere around their knees.
But they can also manage this sitting down, particularly in the lecture hall and even in a classroom if a teacher doesn’t tell them to sit up straight and take their hands out of their pockets.
The reality is that if you saw someone with their hands straight down by their sides – the way that God and gravity intended them – you’d think they were slightly soft, unless of course they were Irish dancing.
And now with the evolution of Sean-Nós style, even the straight armed Irish dancer is under threat as the modern proponent has swapped the rigid stance – or the swan style of steady on top and paddling for all they’re worth down below – for a sort of human propeller.
Walkers use their hands for sure – again to propel them forward like the power-walking ‘ladies’ in Killinaskully – and inebriated people use them to keep their balance.
And sometimes we use them to hold hands with the other half or small children, provided of course they’re our own.
So hands clearly have their uses – and then they just get in the way. E
ven when we sleep, we don’t know where to put our hands – and that’s not a reference to keeping them over the bed clothes. In fact we’re so unsure what to do with them that we often sleep on them to keep them from doing damage.
Even when we’re sitting down, we’re twirling a pen between our fingers, twisting wedding rings, scratching, and occasionally clearing nasal passages – anything, really, other than the nightmare scenario of having nothing to do.
Newsreaders hold a sheaf of papers in their hands to give them something to do; they clearly never read them because they never look down at them – but there must be some reassurance in having something to hold when you’re reading the autocue.
Either that or it’s to prevent them from picking their nose.
A Different View with Dave O’Connell
The only time in your life that you should ever utter the words: “Do you know who I am?” are if you’ve just had a bang on the head or you are unfortunately suffering from dementia.
Because, otherwise, the phrase ‘do you know who I am’ only serves to make things a whole lot worse.
Normally, the phrase is unleashed towards late night door staff on a wave of alcohol – and never once in the history of time has it produced the result the utterer had intended.
The doorman may well know who you are which is often the very reason you’re not getting into the place in the first instance – or if he doesn’t know who you are, he won’t be unduly influenced when he does, unless you’re a famous movie star or his long-lost cousin.
‘Do you know where I am?’ might often be closer to the phrase you’re looking for, because that would serve you well when you’re looking for a taxi.
‘Do you know who I am?’ is a threatening phrase that in truth wouldn’t frighten the cat. But if you’re anxious to dig the hole a few shovels deeper, you should follow up with ‘I’d like to speak to your manager.’
Managers can be elusive at the best of times, but they’re normally rarer than hen’s teeth when it comes to the small hours of the morning – and even if they’re there, they are most likely watching proceedings on CCTV…just so they know who you are, in case you yourself can’t remember.
‘I’d like to speak to your manager’ suggests that you and he or she are from the one social sphere which is several strata north of the one occupied by door staff.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
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A Different View with Dave O’Connell
As it turned out, we were much closer to a Eurovision win than we could ever have imagined – not Ireland, of course, because we’ve now mastered the art of just sending cannon fodder to be blown out in the semi-final.
No, this was just two of us – myself and our eldest – who were lucky enough to be at Anfield for the Reds’ recent win over Brentford, where positioned in the seat right in front of us were four happy lads from Finland.
One of them, we now know, was Käärijä, the singer of the catchiest song at Eurovision, Cha Cha Cha.
But just a week before 7,000 people sung his catchphrase at the Eurovision Arena, he and two his mates – accompanied by an older bloke who had to be either his dad or from the national broadcaster – sat anonymously in the same corner of the lower level of Anfield’s Main Stand.
He was utterly unknown to us as well of course, and the only thing that saw him stand out was his green nail varnish. Live and let live, of course, but it still ensures that you make an impression even if it looks like you were just very late for St Patrick’s Day.
Käärijä may well be Liverpool’s greatest Scandinavian fan, although the bar for that is set fairly high, given that they invade the city in greater numbers every two weeks than the Vikings did just once during the first millennium.
Equally, he may not be a football fan at all – although, as the rest of the week proved, he sure loves a crowd.
Positioned as we were in the corner of the Main Stand, the next section to us, around the corner in the Anfield Road Stand – currently adding a top layer – was occupied by the visiting Brentford supporters.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
A Different View with Dave O’Connell
Contactless payments reached a record €17.9 billion in Ireland last year – up by 31 per cent on 2021, as people came out from under their Covid shell and appear to have left their cash behind them.
Figures from the Banking & Payments Federation found that – despite the cost-of-living increases – the Irish public made three million contactless payments a day, worth an average of €53 million in the final quarter of 2022.
Given that there are 3.8 million people in Ireland over the age of 18, that means that almost every single one of us tapped the card every day last year.
And again, on the presumption that there are a few who still prefer peeling a fifty off a wad of notes, the true figure may be even higher, as we eschew actual money every time we go into a restaurant, bar or shop.
Then comes the monthly morning of reckoning when you open your statement – electronic of course because, like paper money, banks don’t deal in paper statements anymore either – and your guilty secrets unfurl like a rap sheet before your very eyes.
Five taps of a Friday night in the local, followed by a five-ounce burger meal on the way home.
And just why did you need a family-pack of crisps when a small bag would have done? Was all that beer and wine really for a party, or a night in just for one?
Cash provided plenty of dark corners to ignore your profligacy, but there are no hiding places in the contactless world.
Worse still, until that morning of reckoning arrives, you’ve no clue how much you’ve spent, and handing over the card doesn’t hurt half as much as parting with hard cash.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
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