Connacht Tribune
Insomnia mixed with nocturnal terrors of Simon Harris mummified in loo roll
Coronavirus has seen a rise of insomnia and lockdown dreams – ironically in equal measure. This week TESS FINCH-LEES wrestles with those existential questions of the night.
As a parent, there’s always something to keep you awake at night; the existential questions, such as “What if my child falls in with the wrong crowd and becomes a serial killer?”
There was a time, when he was six, that I worried about his moral compass. We had a stand-off outside a food bank which had been brewing since before we left home. He was having second thoughts about ‘donating’ some of his toys, which were thrown in (by me) to make the box of food look less meagre.
In child development terms, he was still at the ‘id’ stage (world revolves around them) meaning guilt trips are futile. Nonetheless, I gave it a go.
“Think of all those children whose parents can’t afford to buy them toys. Don’t you want them to have a toy to cuddle when they lie hungry and cold in bed?”
“And”, holding up exhibit A, “You’ve never even played with this one”.
He thought for a moment and replied: “Yes, I want them to have toys to cuddle but not mine and I did play with that toy (exhibit A) once when I was five AND the way, you said Santa brings presents to ALL children so it doesn’t matter if their parents can’t afford to buy them any, does it?”.
In that moment, I thought, he’ll either grow up to be a prosecution lawyer or a serial killer.
During lockdown, he has gathered kindling, bought Easter eggs with his pocket money and made cards, all for cocooning neighbours.
He also has a proclivity for harvesting mint from the garden to make tea with tepid tap water and because I’m his mother, I drink it. Not the modus operandi of a serial killer – and yet sleep, like the ability to crochet, escapes me.
Coronavirus has seen the rise of insomnia and ‘lockdown dreams’. My problem is the recurring Google-induced face visor nightmares. I never share my real personal data when solicited in order to access apps. I input something different every time.
As a consequence, I get ads targeted at a transgender 19 to 70 year old, which can be anything from denim hot pants to dentures.
Since the pandemic, I’ve been aggressively targeted by a face shield advert that follows me as I scroll down the screen and is so ubiquitous it has become the stuff of nightmares.
The other night, I dreamt of being chased by a visor-clad Simon (‘I made an awful boo-boo’) Harris, mummified in Lidl toilet rolls and rapping: “Stay at home, read a book – get wiser. Don’t bulk-buy the aul’ hand sani-tiser”.
Our immune systems depend on sleep so that became this week’s mission. As someone who only has to sniff alcohol fumes to be inebriated and knowing that it’s a depressant and therefore not helpful dealing with insomnia, I went for the toddler cure instead – tire yourself out during the day and wind down before bedtime.
My YouTube workout in the garden had to be aborted having been sabotaged by my son mimicking the American instructors: “Go Barbara”!” and “Gimme five more of your best Betsy”, resulting in me arm wrestling said child to the ground with an attack of the giggles.
Next was a family ball game of HORSE (what bright spark changed the name from DONKEY)? When himself and son with English accents shout: “You’re a “HOR” at an Irish woman, it didn’t go down well with the older neighbours who were walking past.
“She dropped the ball – three times” the lads explain in unison, but the neighbours only ever played DONKEY so they walk away mumbling, “That’s no reason to call her a whore, like”.
The thing my son misses most about school is his friends, who are particularly important if you’re newly arrived from England and your Irish accent needs breaking in before secondary school.
He had just nailed, “Cawld” and “I’m the fineisht”, before tutorials were cut short.
When he first started school he thought his teacher was picking on someone. He didn’t know who it was, just that she kept shouting “Wrong O’Shea!”
I explained that she was saying, “Rang a Sé, which is Gaelic for Sixth Class”!
In the evening, I did a few laps of the garden before practicing meditation, then, noticing the clear night sky, I woke my son and, lying barefoot and in pyjamas, wrapped in a blanket looking up at the Milky Way, I thanked my lucky stars for these stolen magic moments of childhood.
That night, safe in the knowledge that I hadn’t spawned a serial killer, I slipped into sleep like a stockinged foot into a silken slipper.
■ Tess Finch-Lees is an international human rights journalist, who writes for the Guardian and other outlets. She is also a therapist and lecturer in ethics and discrimination. Having spent her childhood between Dublin, Galway and Mayo, she recently returned home to live in her mother’s native Galway.
Significant state investment is required to address ‘shocking’ inequalities that leave cancer patients in the West at greater risk of succumbing to the disease.
A meeting of Regional Health Forum West heard that survival rates for breast, lung and colorectal cancers than the national average, and with the most deprived quintile of the population, the West’s residents faced poorer outcomes from a cancer diagnosis.
For breast cancer patients, the five-year survival rate was 80% in the West versus 85% nationally; for lung cancer patients it was 16.7% in the west against a 19.5% national survival rate; and in the West’s colorectal cancer patients, there was a 62.6% survival rate where the national average was 63.1%.
These startling statistics were provided in answer to a question from Ballinasloe-based Cllr Evelyn Parsons (Ind) who said it was yet another reminder that cancer treatment infrastructure in the West was in dire need of improvement.
“The situation is pretty stark. In the Western Regional Health Forum area, we have the highest incidence of deprivation and the highest health inequalities because of that – we have the highest incidences of cancer nationally because of that,” said Cllr Parsons, who is also a general practitioner.
In details provided by CEO of Saolta Health Care Group, which operates Galway’s hospitals, it was stated that a number of factors were impacting on patient outcomes.
Get the full story in this week’s Connacht Tribune, on sale in shops now, or you can download the digital edition from www.connachttribune.ie. You can also download our Connacht Tribune App from Apple’s App Store or get the Android Version from Google Play.
Galway 3-18
Cork 1-10
NEW setting; new opposition; new challenge. It made no difference to the Galway minor hurlers as they chalked up a remarkable sixth consecutive double digits championship victory at Semple Stadium on Saturday.
The final scoreline in Thurles may have been a little harsh on Cork, but there was no doubting Galway’s overall superiority in setting up only a second-ever All-Ireland showdown against Clare at the same venue on Sunday week.
Having claimed an historic Leinster title the previous weekend, Galway took a while to get going against the Rebels and also endured their first period in a match in which they were heavily outscored, but still the boys in maroon roll on.
Beating a decent Cork outfit by 14 points sums up how formidable Galway are. No team has managed to lay a glove on them so far, and though Clare might ask them questions other challengers haven’t, they are going to have to find significant improvement on their semi-final win over 14-man Kilkenny to pull off a final upset.
Galway just aren’t winning their matches; they are overpowering the teams which have stood in their way. Their level of consistency is admirable for young players starting off on the inter-county journey, while the team’s temperament appears to be bombproof, no matter what is thrown at them.
Having romped through Leinster, Galway should have been a bit rattled by being only level (0-4 each) after 20 minutes and being a little fortunate not to have been behind; or when Cork stormed out of the blocks at the start of the second half by hitting 1-4 to just a solitary point in reply, but there was never any trace of panic in their ranks.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
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GARDAÍ and the IFA have issued a joint appeal to all road users to take extra care as the silage season gets under way across the country.
Silage harvesting started in many parts of Galway last week – and over the coming month, the sight of tractors and trailers on rural roads will be getting far more frequent.
Inspector Conor Madden, who is in charge of Galway Roads Policing, told the Farming Tribune that a bit of extra care and common-sense from all road users would go a long way towards preventing serious collisions on roads this summer.
“One thing I would ask farmers and contractors to consider is to try and get more experienced drivers working for them.
“Tractors have got faster and bigger – and they are also towing heavy loads of silage – so care and experience are a great help in terms of accident prevention,” Inspector Madden told the Farming Tribune.
He said that tractor drivers should always be aware of traffic building up behind them and to pull in and let these vehicles pass, where it was safe to do so.
“By the same token, other road users should always exercise extra care; drive that bit slower; and ‘pull in’ that bit more, when meeting tractors and heavy machinery.
“We all want to see everyone enjoying a safe summer on our roads – that extra bit of care, and consideration for other roads users can make a huge difference,” said Conor Madden.
He also advised motorists and tractor drivers to be acutely aware of pedestrians and cyclists on the roads during the summer season when more people would be out walking and cycling on the roads.
The IFA has also joined in on the road safety appeal with Galway IFA Farm Family and Social Affairs Chair Teresa Roche asking all road users to exercise that extra bit of care and caution.
“We are renewing our annual appeal for motorists to be on the look out for tractors, trailers and other agricultural machinery exiting from fields and farmyards,” she said.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Families queue up for school’s offer of free house
West has lower cancer survival rates than rest
Galway minors continue to lay waste to all opponents
Gardaí and IFA issue a joint appeal on summer road safety
Marathon Man plans to call a halt – but not before he hits 160 races
