Connacht Tribune
‘Good enough’ will do for parenting in a pandemic
Protective parenting can morph into borderline paranoia in the midst of pandemic – as TESS FINCH-LEES admits in this week’s chronicle of life under lockdown.
With each passing day in lockdown, I find myself morphing into Aunt Josephine in Lemony Snicket’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events”.
“Come quickly” (beckoning the orphaned children into the house), “Not that quickly! You might trip over the welcome mat and decapitate yourselves”.
I’ve banned activities that carry even a remote risk of ending up in A&E until this health emergency has passed. Yesterday, I scolded my son for climbing a tree “in well-ing-tons! Do you have an actual death wish?!”
He attempted to take the Beano from the shopping bag last week. “Don’t touch it!” I yelled, like a demented banshee. “It has go in the oven at 100°C for five minutes!”
Child: “I want to read it, not eat it?” Me: “It has to be sterilised at high heat to kill the virus” (don’t try this at home, it’s not scientifically endorsed)!
Himself says he and child are camping in the garden tonight (I suspect it’s to get away from me, but I can’t be sure).
Me: “Have you done a risk assessment? If you catch pneumonia, don’t expect to be given a ventilator”
With another three weeks of lockdown to go, I decided to give meditation (as opposed to medication) a go.
A local practitioner generously provides free livestreamed sessions. I’m sitting cross legged on the floor, trying, and failing miserably, to focus on my breathing.
“It’s OK if your thoughts wander”, he says, in mellifluous tones, “But bring them gently back to your breathing”.
I managed five breaths before my mind ventured into perilous terrain, my parenting skills. I’m not Cruella de Vil but I’m no Mary Poppins either.
I’ve faced many challenges in my professional life, such as being locked in a room with the Yorkshire Ripper, having a fatwa issued against me by a genocidal despot and a feckwa from Bob Geldof – but, by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done, is parenthood.
When my son was four, he lassoed a toddler with his Bob the Builder belt in the middle of the spirits aisle at Aldi.
I had an overwhelming urge to pretend he wasn’t mine whilst making a frenzied beeline for the nearest exit with a bottle of Paddy in one hand and an own brand chocolate gateaux in the other. The thought alone, racked me with guilt. What kind of a mother would think that?
I don’t even drink whiskey.
At moments like that, I draw on Dr Winnicott’s ‘good enough’ parenting. I filed it away when I studied child psychology, knowing I’d need it if I became a mother. Basically, there’s no such thing as the perfect parent. We strive to be the best we can and most of the time we’ll get it right(ish), but sometimes, we’ll get it wrong and that’s OK.
Coronavirus has placed a huge burden on parents to keep our children safe. Measures that were previously considered neurotic are the new normal. But, children also need fun, physical activity and, now more than ever, lots of cuddles, in order to thrive. For that, we have to nurture ourselves too and practice self-forgiveness.
Children, although resilient, will probably be feeling varying degrees of anxiety now, or picking up on ours.
Being emotionally available and spending time with them, whether it’s digging for worms in the garden (if you’re lucky enough to have a garden), or baking cakes and making jigsaw puzzles, means prioritising our sanity.
There are only so many stand offs I’m prepared to have over mental maths or unmade beds. There are times in life, and this is one, when survival and self-preservation are the bigger battles to be won.
Whenever I feel the urge to scream because I’ve tripped over my son’s shoes which aren’t in their proper place, I think of the Seamus O’Neill poem.
“Bhí subh milis, Ar bhaschrann an dorais, Ach mhúch mé an corraí, Ionam d’éirigh, Mar smaoinigh mé ar an lá, A bheas an baschrann glan, Agus an láimh bheag, Ar iarraidh.”
[“There was jam on the door handle, but I suppressed the anger that rose up in me, because I thought of the day that the door handle would be clean, and the little hand would be gone.”]
Then, I go outside, with a bottle of Paddy in one hand and an own brand chocolate gateaux in the other, and, ensuring I’m a safe distance from overhanging branches, breathe deeply, and scream.
■ Tess Finch-Lees is an international human rights journalist, who writes for the Guardian, UK Independent and many other outlets. She is also a lecturer, specialising in ethics and discrimination. She recently returned home and lives with her family in Gort, back where she spent her summers in her mother’s native place. The free meditation mentioned in this article is available at keithhoran.com
Significant state investment is required to address ‘shocking’ inequalities that leave cancer patients in the West at greater risk of succumbing to the disease.
A meeting of Regional Health Forum West heard that survival rates for breast, lung and colorectal cancers than the national average, and with the most deprived quintile of the population, the West’s residents faced poorer outcomes from a cancer diagnosis.
For breast cancer patients, the five-year survival rate was 80% in the West versus 85% nationally; for lung cancer patients it was 16.7% in the west against a 19.5% national survival rate; and in the West’s colorectal cancer patients, there was a 62.6% survival rate where the national average was 63.1%.
These startling statistics were provided in answer to a question from Ballinasloe-based Cllr Evelyn Parsons (Ind) who said it was yet another reminder that cancer treatment infrastructure in the West was in dire need of improvement.
“The situation is pretty stark. In the Western Regional Health Forum area, we have the highest incidence of deprivation and the highest health inequalities because of that – we have the highest incidences of cancer nationally because of that,” said Cllr Parsons, who is also a general practitioner.
In details provided by CEO of Saolta Health Care Group, which operates Galway’s hospitals, it was stated that a number of factors were impacting on patient outcomes.
Get the full story in this week’s Connacht Tribune, on sale in shops now, or you can download the digital edition from www.connachttribune.ie. You can also download our Connacht Tribune App from Apple’s App Store or get the Android Version from Google Play.
Galway 3-18
Cork 1-10
NEW setting; new opposition; new challenge. It made no difference to the Galway minor hurlers as they chalked up a remarkable sixth consecutive double digits championship victory at Semple Stadium on Saturday.
The final scoreline in Thurles may have been a little harsh on Cork, but there was no doubting Galway’s overall superiority in setting up only a second-ever All-Ireland showdown against Clare at the same venue on Sunday week.
Having claimed an historic Leinster title the previous weekend, Galway took a while to get going against the Rebels and also endured their first period in a match in which they were heavily outscored, but still the boys in maroon roll on.
Beating a decent Cork outfit by 14 points sums up how formidable Galway are. No team has managed to lay a glove on them so far, and though Clare might ask them questions other challengers haven’t, they are going to have to find significant improvement on their semi-final win over 14-man Kilkenny to pull off a final upset.
Galway just aren’t winning their matches; they are overpowering the teams which have stood in their way. Their level of consistency is admirable for young players starting off on the inter-county journey, while the team’s temperament appears to be bombproof, no matter what is thrown at them.
Having romped through Leinster, Galway should have been a bit rattled by being only level (0-4 each) after 20 minutes and being a little fortunate not to have been behind; or when Cork stormed out of the blocks at the start of the second half by hitting 1-4 to just a solitary point in reply, but there was never any trace of panic in their ranks.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
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GARDAÍ and the IFA have issued a joint appeal to all road users to take extra care as the silage season gets under way across the country.
Silage harvesting started in many parts of Galway last week – and over the coming month, the sight of tractors and trailers on rural roads will be getting far more frequent.
Inspector Conor Madden, who is in charge of Galway Roads Policing, told the Farming Tribune that a bit of extra care and common-sense from all road users would go a long way towards preventing serious collisions on roads this summer.
“One thing I would ask farmers and contractors to consider is to try and get more experienced drivers working for them.
“Tractors have got faster and bigger – and they are also towing heavy loads of silage – so care and experience are a great help in terms of accident prevention,” Inspector Madden told the Farming Tribune.
He said that tractor drivers should always be aware of traffic building up behind them and to pull in and let these vehicles pass, where it was safe to do so.
“By the same token, other road users should always exercise extra care; drive that bit slower; and ‘pull in’ that bit more, when meeting tractors and heavy machinery.
“We all want to see everyone enjoying a safe summer on our roads – that extra bit of care, and consideration for other roads users can make a huge difference,” said Conor Madden.
He also advised motorists and tractor drivers to be acutely aware of pedestrians and cyclists on the roads during the summer season when more people would be out walking and cycling on the roads.
The IFA has also joined in on the road safety appeal with Galway IFA Farm Family and Social Affairs Chair Teresa Roche asking all road users to exercise that extra bit of care and caution.
“We are renewing our annual appeal for motorists to be on the look out for tractors, trailers and other agricultural machinery exiting from fields and farmyards,” she said.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Families queue up for school’s offer of free house
West has lower cancer survival rates than rest
Galway minors continue to lay waste to all opponents
Gardaí and IFA issue a joint appeal on summer road safety
Marathon Man plans to call a halt – but not before he hits 160 races
