Connacht Tribune
False-tan phenomenon offers nothing more than fake hues
A Different View
When John Hinde decided to capture the essence of Irishness for his famous postcard, he never for a moment thought he’d spray the red haired, freckled little girl a colour somewhat darker than the accompanying donkey.
But the naturally alabaster, occasionally flushed, Irish woman now apparently feels naked unless she is sprayed from highlighted head to pedicured toenail in a shade you couldn’t accomplish if you actually spent three weeks baking under the Saharan sun.
To their credit, at least they don’t spend weeks on their dark tan, thus exposing themselves to a greater risk of skin cancer than if they walked into a nuclear holocaust.
But when did fair females decide that the Hughie Maughan makeover was the ‘look du jour’ for a big day out?
One of the delights of Modern Ireland is that we now have a nation with skin tones that take us a million miles from the traditional milky and scarlet.
But you don’t see people of African roots deciding to spray themselves in whitewash for their big day out.
So why do those of a paler complexion think that the secret to feeling happy is three coats of high gloss varnish?
A little air brushing just to smooth out the edges is entirely acceptable; indeed, it might be seen as rude not to – but a complete transformation to a point where you’re unrecognisable from the original is a different matter altogether.
And yet, even allowing for our searing summer, nobody could have believed that our fashionistas could have collectively gone so brilliantly brown to a degree that left you wondering if they had suffered a ‘reverse Michael Jackson’ before Ladies Day at the Races.
In fairness, it’s not just the ladies at it – hundreds of the more metrosexual had inexplicably gone a deep hue of Hughie overnight.
Not so long ago, they laughed at the Welsh rugby player Gavin Henson when he arrived onto the Millennium Stadium spray painted to within an inch of his life; these days they might be giggling at the one who was comfortable in his own skin.
In the interests of full disclosure, the only paint on my skin has been from a can via a brush that missed the spot on the wall.
Furthermore, I am to natural tanning what Cristiano Ronaldo is to modesty; I’m the guy on a sun holiday wearing a sun hat, tee-shirt and long shorts, sitting under a massive parasol under a tree in the shade of the apartment block.
But I did once get burnt on a lads’ holiday – not so much deliberately as it being down to drink – then I compounded the problem by mistaking some form of tanning top-up for after-sun.
To this day, I would argue that one of the others had set out to sabotage the sun denier – but the result was that, instead of reducing the peeling, it left me looking like a leper with bits of his face falling off on the return flight.
The only upside was that I somehow managed to get three seats to myself all the way back into Cork.
Even then, I gritted more than grinning and bearing it – but that was the last time my face was anything other than red and white.
Nowadays you hardly have to leave home to get that all-over tan – except it doesn’t actually look like a tan; it looks like what it is . . . you’ve been power-hosed brown in a booth.
Of course, the spray tan quickly faded every time you scrub yourself – but purveyors of the power-hose method will know that more than the memory lingers.
Your now-former brown self continues to live on through the sheets, the towels, the coloured rings that cling to the side of the bath like the residue of a giant, drained pint of Guinness.
But apparently, it’s worth it if only so you look like you’re back from three weeks in the Seychelles when it was really only twenty minutes in a beautician’s.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
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Significant state investment is required to address ‘shocking’ inequalities that leave cancer patients in the West at greater risk of succumbing to the disease.
A meeting of Regional Health Forum West heard that survival rates for breast, lung and colorectal cancers than the national average, and with the most deprived quintile of the population, the West’s residents faced poorer outcomes from a cancer diagnosis.
For breast cancer patients, the five-year survival rate was 80% in the West versus 85% nationally; for lung cancer patients it was 16.7% in the west against a 19.5% national survival rate; and in the West’s colorectal cancer patients, there was a 62.6% survival rate where the national average was 63.1%.
These startling statistics were provided in answer to a question from Ballinasloe-based Cllr Evelyn Parsons (Ind) who said it was yet another reminder that cancer treatment infrastructure in the West was in dire need of improvement.
“The situation is pretty stark. In the Western Regional Health Forum area, we have the highest incidence of deprivation and the highest health inequalities because of that – we have the highest incidences of cancer nationally because of that,” said Cllr Parsons, who is also a general practitioner.
In details provided by CEO of Saolta Health Care Group, which operates Galway’s hospitals, it was stated that a number of factors were impacting on patient outcomes.
Get the full story in this week’s Connacht Tribune, on sale in shops now, or you can download the digital edition from www.connachttribune.ie. You can also download our Connacht Tribune App from Apple’s App Store or get the Android Version from Google Play.
Galway 3-18
Cork 1-10
NEW setting; new opposition; new challenge. It made no difference to the Galway minor hurlers as they chalked up a remarkable sixth consecutive double digits championship victory at Semple Stadium on Saturday.
The final scoreline in Thurles may have been a little harsh on Cork, but there was no doubting Galway’s overall superiority in setting up only a second-ever All-Ireland showdown against Clare at the same venue on Sunday week.
Having claimed an historic Leinster title the previous weekend, Galway took a while to get going against the Rebels and also endured their first period in a match in which they were heavily outscored, but still the boys in maroon roll on.
Beating a decent Cork outfit by 14 points sums up how formidable Galway are. No team has managed to lay a glove on them so far, and though Clare might ask them questions other challengers haven’t, they are going to have to find significant improvement on their semi-final win over 14-man Kilkenny to pull off a final upset.
Galway just aren’t winning their matches; they are overpowering the teams which have stood in their way. Their level of consistency is admirable for young players starting off on the inter-county journey, while the team’s temperament appears to be bombproof, no matter what is thrown at them.
Having romped through Leinster, Galway should have been a bit rattled by being only level (0-4 each) after 20 minutes and being a little fortunate not to have been behind; or when Cork stormed out of the blocks at the start of the second half by hitting 1-4 to just a solitary point in reply, but there was never any trace of panic in their ranks.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
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GARDAÍ and the IFA have issued a joint appeal to all road users to take extra care as the silage season gets under way across the country.
Silage harvesting started in many parts of Galway last week – and over the coming month, the sight of tractors and trailers on rural roads will be getting far more frequent.
Inspector Conor Madden, who is in charge of Galway Roads Policing, told the Farming Tribune that a bit of extra care and common-sense from all road users would go a long way towards preventing serious collisions on roads this summer.
“One thing I would ask farmers and contractors to consider is to try and get more experienced drivers working for them.
“Tractors have got faster and bigger – and they are also towing heavy loads of silage – so care and experience are a great help in terms of accident prevention,” Inspector Madden told the Farming Tribune.
He said that tractor drivers should always be aware of traffic building up behind them and to pull in and let these vehicles pass, where it was safe to do so.
“By the same token, other road users should always exercise extra care; drive that bit slower; and ‘pull in’ that bit more, when meeting tractors and heavy machinery.
“We all want to see everyone enjoying a safe summer on our roads – that extra bit of care, and consideration for other roads users can make a huge difference,” said Conor Madden.
He also advised motorists and tractor drivers to be acutely aware of pedestrians and cyclists on the roads during the summer season when more people would be out walking and cycling on the roads.
The IFA has also joined in on the road safety appeal with Galway IFA Farm Family and Social Affairs Chair Teresa Roche asking all road users to exercise that extra bit of care and caution.
“We are renewing our annual appeal for motorists to be on the look out for tractors, trailers and other agricultural machinery exiting from fields and farmyards,” she said.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Families queue up for school’s offer of free house
West has lower cancer survival rates than rest
Galway minors continue to lay waste to all opponents
Gardaí and IFA issue a joint appeal on summer road safety
Marathon Man plans to call a halt – but not before he hits 160 races
