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Anam Cara a club that nobody ever wants to join
Lifestyle – Dearbhla Geraghty meets the people behind support group that helps parents cope with the devastating loss of a child
Anam Cara is an exclusive club, but one that nobody would wish to belong to – it being a support group for parents who have experienced the tragic loss of a child.
No matter what the circumstances of death are, or the age of the child, or the time that has elapsed since it happened, the charity is simply there to help parents after bereavement.
Their grief is unique, says psychotherapist and professional co-facilitator, Grainne O’Connell. And, as it is very different to the suffering experienced when a parent, sibling, or friend dies, there is a need for a ‘sacred space’ just for mums and dads.
“The Law of Nature is that a child will live after you, so it’s totally unnatural for a child to die before a parent,” she says.
“So you are in unchartered territory straight away – you’re robbed of the future you planned for your child; the family unit is robbed of that person, so it is never whole again. People get through it, and they can make a new start, but it is never as it was before.
“They are robbed of their own future, their child’s future, of weddings, communions, graduations. Even if a child dies in their 40s, it is still horrible for the parents – no matter what age they are, they have been robbed of the child’s future in their lives.”
Grainne, who works for Galway Community Counselling, says that the grief is so intense, that it can be an empathetic experience for parents to simply sit with someone who knows what their journey is about.
“The volunteers see someone coming in, and they can recognise the pain. They all have great respect for each other, it is amazing to witness. It is unspoken, the support they have for one another, the understanding.
“So few people have lost a child, it’s a club that nobody wants to belong to – nobody wants to be in that club, nobody understands what it’s like to be in that club unless they’ve lost a child.
“Grief can be very isolating, everybody grieves differently – women tend to talk and look for support, while men are more isolated, and they do the practical things, like organise the funeral. Women are left to talk to people, so even in death they take different roles.”
The length of time it takes for a parent to be able to talk about their loss also widely differs – some come to the meetings within weeks, and for others it could be years; some come every month, and others dip in and out.
Confidentiality is at the core of the Anam Cara meetings – there is no judgement, no hierarchy, and no class distinction.
“It is a support group, where people share how things helped them, rather than it being a bashing service – because some people can be very angry.
“The dynamic of each meeting is different, and comes about organically due to the those who attend and what subjects they may need to discuss.
“It could be an anniversary, or a child’s birthday, or someone might say they just had the grave done up – there is no format, and that’s what makes it so helpful for parents. They they can be themselves.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Significant state investment is required to address ‘shocking’ inequalities that leave cancer patients in the West at greater risk of succumbing to the disease.
A meeting of Regional Health Forum West heard that survival rates for breast, lung and colorectal cancers than the national average, and with the most deprived quintile of the population, the West’s residents faced poorer outcomes from a cancer diagnosis.
For breast cancer patients, the five-year survival rate was 80% in the West versus 85% nationally; for lung cancer patients it was 16.7% in the west against a 19.5% national survival rate; and in the West’s colorectal cancer patients, there was a 62.6% survival rate where the national average was 63.1%.
These startling statistics were provided in answer to a question from Ballinasloe-based Cllr Evelyn Parsons (Ind) who said it was yet another reminder that cancer treatment infrastructure in the West was in dire need of improvement.
“The situation is pretty stark. In the Western Regional Health Forum area, we have the highest incidence of deprivation and the highest health inequalities because of that – we have the highest incidences of cancer nationally because of that,” said Cllr Parsons, who is also a general practitioner.
In details provided by CEO of Saolta Health Care Group, which operates Galway’s hospitals, it was stated that a number of factors were impacting on patient outcomes.
Get the full story in this week’s Connacht Tribune, on sale in shops now, or you can download the digital edition from www.connachttribune.ie. You can also download our Connacht Tribune App from Apple’s App Store or get the Android Version from Google Play.
On the eve of completing his 150th marathon, an odyssey that has taken him across 53 countries, Loughrea’s Marathon Man has announced that he is planning to hang up his running shoes.
But not before Jarlath Fitzgerald completes another ten races, making it 160 marathons on the occasion of his 60th birthday.
“I want to draw the line in 2026. I turn 57 in October and when I reach 60 it’s the finishing line. The longer races are taking it out of me. I did 20 miles there two weeks ago and didn’t feel good. It’s getting harder,” he reveals.
“I’ve arthritis in both hips and there’s wear and tear in the knees.”
We speak as he is about to head out for a run before his shift in Supervalu Loughrea. Despite his physical complaints, he still clocks up 30 miles every second week and generally runs four days a week.
Jarlath receives injections to his left hip to keep the pain at bay while running on the road.
To give his joints a break, during the winter he runs cross country and often does a five-mile trek around Kylebrack Wood.
He is planning on running his 150th marathon in Cork on June 4, where a group of 20 made up of work colleagues, friends and running mates from Loughrea Athletics Club will join him.
Some are doing the 10k, others are doing the half marathon, but all will be there on the finishing line to cheer him on in the phenomenal achievement.
Get the full story in this week’s Connacht Tribune, on sale in shops now, or you can download the digital edition from www.connachttribune.ie. You can also download our Connacht Tribune App from Apple’s App Store or get the Android Version from Google Play.
From the Galway City Tribune – An impassioned plea for a ‘masterplan’ that would guide Galway City into the future has been made in the Dáil. Galway West TD Catherine Connolly stated this week that there needed to be an all-inclusive approach with “vision and leadership” in order to build a sustainable city.
Deputy Connolly spoke at length at the crisis surrounding traffic and housing in Galway city and said that not all of the blame could be laid at the door of the local authority.
She said that her preference would be the provision of light rail as the main form of public transport, but that this would have to be driven by the government.
“I sat on the local council for 17 years and despaired at all of the solutions going down one road, metaphorically and literally. In 2005 we put Park & Ride into the development plan, but that has not been rolled out. A 2016 transport strategy was outdated at the time and still has not been updated.
“Due to the housing crisis in the city, a task force was set up in 2019. Not a single report or analysis has been published on the cause of the crisis,” added Deputy Connolly.
She then referred to a report from the Land Development Agency (LDA) that identified lands suitable for the provision of housing. But she said that two-thirds of these had significant problems and a large portion was in Merlin Park University Hospital which, she said, would never have housing built on it.
In response, Minister Simon Harris spoke of the continuing job investment in the city and also in higher education, which is his portfolio.
But turning his attention to traffic congestion, he accepted that there were “real issues” when it came to transport, mobility and accessibility around Galway.
“We share the view that we need a Park & Ride facility and I understand there are also Bus Connects plans.
“I also suggest that the City Council reflect on her comments. I am proud to be in a Government that is providing unparalleled levels of investment to local authorities and unparalleled opportunities for local authorities to draw down,” he said.
Then Minister Harris referred to the controversial Galway City Outer Ring Road which he said was “struck down by An Bord Pleanála”, despite a lot of energy having been put into that project.
However, Deputy Connolly picked up on this and pointed out that An Bord Pleanála did not say ‘No’ to the ring road.
“The High Court said ‘No’ to the ring road because An Bord Pleanála acknowledged it failed utterly to consider climate change and our climate change obligations.
“That tells us something about An Bord Pleanála and the management that submitted such a plan.”
In the end, Minister Harris agreed that there needed to be a masterplan for Galway City.
“I suggest it is for the local authority to come up with a vision and then work with the Government to try to fund and implement that.”
Families queue up for school’s offer of free house
West has lower cancer survival rates than rest
Galway minors continue to lay waste to all opponents
Gardaí and IFA issue a joint appeal on summer road safety
Marathon Man plans to call a halt – but not before he hits 160 races
