Why donÕt we learn to say what we really mean?

Date Published: {J}

Imagine how awful life would be if you actually could hear the grass growing – particularly if you were a farmer or living in the country where the cacophony of growing green vegetation would be like the crowd at Croke Park at the end of the All-Ireland Final…every day of the week.

But people really do say the stupidest things – and because they never stop to think, we also seem to take these wise old sayings as fact.

And yet in reality, how strange would it be if you really did have a chip on your shoulder? And is it anything like have a kebab all down your front?

Why should you beware of Greeks bearing gifts? Although that’s unlikely given their current economic predicament – they cannot afford to keep themselves, never mind buying presents for the rest of us.

If you were a very important person in New York – would that make you the big cheese in the Big Apple?

Sticking with important people, Cavan men have long been accused of having the ability to peel oranges in their pockets and it’s not meant in a complimentary way – but how handy that would be on a wet or cold day….being able to prepare your fruit for eating without taking your hands from the warmth of your coat.

If there’s no rest for the wicked, how come so many of them spend 23 hours a day locked in a jail cell?

Why is it high praise to say a man calls a spade a spade – what else would he call it?

When you roar at your children: “Pocket money? I’ll give you pocket money”….why do you then always let them down?

If you truly wore your heart on your sleeve, wouldn’t there be a very real risk of infection?

Did anyone really have to point out that, if it ain’t broke, you shouldn’t fix it? Ditto, isn’t it stating the obvious that tomorrow is another day – or pointing out that you can’t get blood out of a stone.

And who was the eejit who said it was better to give than to receive? Probably someone who never got a present.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, why didn’t Bush bomb Iraq with biros?

Wouldn’t a knight in shining armour seem rather stupid, if the enemy could then see him riding over the horizon with the sun reflecting off his squeaky clean suit?

Shouldn’t you at least do an inventory before definitely rejecting all the tea in China?

Shouldn’t it be a given that nobody holds a candle to you – why would your friends knowingly burn you with the flame?

On the same subject, if you meet up with an old flame, are you playing with fire?

And who was it that decided that a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush? John Terry? Ashley Cole? The entire Chelsea squad?

Have they never been to Shepherd’s Bush?

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.