Supporting parents in dark hours of tragedy

It was American president Dwight D. Eisenhower who once stated: “There’s no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.”

Unfortunately there is no shortage of Galway parents out there who will know the true meaning of his wise words.

Nationally, 2,500 families have to endure the experience every year. A 2011 survey found that six out of ten people in Ireland know someone who has experienced the death of a child.

No matter what age the son or daughter or the circumstances of their death, to bury a child is unnatural.

Phil Lally knows all too well how unnatural the experience truly is. In 2004 her beloved son Eamon Óg died in a fall while on a month-long holiday in Barcelona.

The student teacher was just 20 and about to return home the following day when the accident happened.

“It was horrific really. We had to go out to Spain. Now, the Department of Foreign Affairs for us were excellent, they were very, very good to us, but I often think that wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was someone you could liaise with, if somebody was assigned to you because you’re in such a state of shock you may not ask the right questions but you may want to a few years down the road,” she recalls.

A former student of hers in Scoil Mhuire in Ballinasloe, Catherine Leonard, experienced her own tragedy when her baby died.

After informally meeting other grieving parents at the Children’s Hospital in Dublin, Catherine helped set up Anam Cara, the support group established in 2007 to provide assistance to bereaved parents.

The name, Anam Cara, is the title of a 1997 bestseller on Celtic spirituality by late author, poet and ex-priest John O’Donohue who was based in Galway.

Literally translated as soul friend, the name originated in Irish monasticism where it was applied to a monk’s spiritual advisor.

For parents who experience the sudden death of a child outside of a hospital or hospice, they have no access to bereavement support, explains Phil.

The group, which has seven regional support groups across the island, allows grieving parents to link up with each other and get group counselling from a professional psychotherapist or counsellor free of charge.

The focus of the monthly parent evenings is on ‘peer support with appropriate professional intervention’.

“The devastation families experience after the death of their child often leads to feelings of isolation, despair and loneliness,” explained CEO Sharon Vard.

“For some families the death may have been expected through illness or a life-limiting condition, for others, it was unexpected through stillbirth, an accident, suicide or substance abuse.

“We focus on the similarities of our loss rather than the differences and have found a level of support and understanding that others cannot offer”

Contact Anam Cara on 01 4045378 or 0879637790.

For more on this story, see the Galway City Tribune.