Stark reality of ageing process is in the jeans

A Different View with Dave O’Connell

Apparently, some international survey decided that the maximum age for a man wearing jeans is 53 – which gives me almost exactly a year to break the habit.

Beyond the magic age of 53, according to this survey carried out by the parcel delivery service CollectPlus, denim just suggests an old man trying to cling onto his youth.

The female equivalent is apparently leather trousers – where the age for a man wearing leather trousers is arguably 22, unless he’s in a rock band or is a member of a secret club that meets in a dark dungeon.

It’s true that jeans don’t so much cling to the curves in your fifties, as emphasise the onset of furniture disease, that phenomenon when your chest slips into your drawers.

Part of the problem with wearing jeans at any age is that lack of fit – because for every pair that cling to Carol Vorderman like a TD to their expenses, there’s a thousand that fit like a rat in an empty sack.

But this is true across the generations – because almost a quarter of the participants in this survey admitted they have yet to find their perfect pair, and another 29 percent gave up the quest completely.

Not surprisingly then, once someone finds themselves the perfect pair, they hang onto them forever . . . or at least for up to five years — and five per cent won’t shop for a new pair for up to ten years.

By which stage there are probably people steering well clear of them in a social setting.

And even though a pair of denims are often a multiple in price of a pair of dress pants, two-thirds of respondents feel it’s still unacceptable to wear them to social events like a night at the theatre or a dinner party.

And just five per cent said they would wear jeans to a job interview – presumably if they plan to work for Levis.

But then again, when did your jeans show you in a positive light? Weren’t they always worn for comfort?

For those who wear suits or even smart casual during the week, jeans denote the weekend. It doesn’t matter than they don’t flatter you; they just mean that you don’t have to go to work.

And if they hang a little loose around the nether regions, isn’t that all the rage these days anyway?

After all, you see teenagers with more of their backsides above the waistline than below – there’s enough room to fit a small kitchen into the crotch.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.