A Different View
New necks aren’t all they are cracked up to be
A Different View with Dave O’Connell
Get a younger looking neck in four weeks’ proclaimed the press release – and you instantly thought … wouldn’t that just be the perfect present for the politician in your life this Christmas?
After all, if they’ve been in the game for a while, their old neck must be due for the knacker’s yard. And even if it still has a little mileage left on the clock, surely a competitor with new neck would hold a distinct advantage with the electorate?
A good hard neck is a prerequisite for a successful political career; indeed some of the most successful politicians could rely on nothing else.
A bit of neck will allow you to blame the problems of the economy on the other fellas; it will allow you to make the most outrageous promises at election time and then deny you’d ever even thought of such a proposal, and it will facilitate a selective memory when it comes to accountability.
Of course a new neck doesn’t just work for politicians – bankers can also use them, although they probably have to come in a much bigger size, given the dinners they enjoyed as Rome burned all around them.
At the very least – and in practical terms – a new unlined neck would allow you to wear open-necked shirts instead of polo necks. So the rejuvenating powers of a new neck should never be underestimated.
But the press release – like many of its genre – doesn’t deliver exactly what it suggests at first glance; this breakthrough product doesn’t give you a new neck at all … it’s a sort of Pollyfilla of the cosmetic industry that might just iron out the creases in your old one.
They’ve called it a triple firming neck cream, whatever that might be when it’s at home.
Still, by reading on, you’ll always learn something – and in this case it was that one’s neck seems to age faster than any other part of the body.
And while there are some definite reasons for this, one of the biggest causes is neglect. Although it’s only fair to point out that neglect of the neck isn’t as yet an acknowledged medical phenomenon.
Apparently the skin on our necks is more prone to sun damage, pigmentation and premature ageing. Which probably explains the origin of the term red neck.
We’re not going to mention the brand name of the new triple firming neck cream – mainly because we wouldn’t want to cause a stampede of people with chicken’s necks or very red ones, fighting over the tubes in their local chemist.
But it’s still worth explaining how this product actually irons out those creases, reduces that redness and leaves you with the sort of neck you last had in the days of wide collared shirts.
The manufacturers have a couple of secret formulae that ‘stimulate a healthy collagen network’, which appear to be mixed with citric acid and some component of skin’s natural filler, all of which are ‘clinically proven to rebuild and strengthen the underlying support structure, plumping and lifting slack, lined skin for a toned, tighter look, and smoothing neck creases from the inside’.
The problem with having a new neck is a bit like painting the ceilings in your house – the ceilings look great and brilliantly white, but then the walls look like they’ve been left to rot since the dark ages.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
A Different View with Dave O’Connell
The only time in your life that you should ever utter the words: “Do you know who I am?” are if you’ve just had a bang on the head or you are unfortunately suffering from dementia.
Because, otherwise, the phrase ‘do you know who I am’ only serves to make things a whole lot worse.
Normally, the phrase is unleashed towards late night door staff on a wave of alcohol – and never once in the history of time has it produced the result the utterer had intended.
The doorman may well know who you are which is often the very reason you’re not getting into the place in the first instance – or if he doesn’t know who you are, he won’t be unduly influenced when he does, unless you’re a famous movie star or his long-lost cousin.
‘Do you know where I am?’ might often be closer to the phrase you’re looking for, because that would serve you well when you’re looking for a taxi.
‘Do you know who I am?’ is a threatening phrase that in truth wouldn’t frighten the cat. But if you’re anxious to dig the hole a few shovels deeper, you should follow up with ‘I’d like to speak to your manager.’
Managers can be elusive at the best of times, but they’re normally rarer than hen’s teeth when it comes to the small hours of the morning – and even if they’re there, they are most likely watching proceedings on CCTV…just so they know who you are, in case you yourself can’t remember.
‘I’d like to speak to your manager’ suggests that you and he or she are from the one social sphere which is several strata north of the one occupied by door staff.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
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A Different View with Dave O’Connell
As it turned out, we were much closer to a Eurovision win than we could ever have imagined – not Ireland, of course, because we’ve now mastered the art of just sending cannon fodder to be blown out in the semi-final.
No, this was just two of us – myself and our eldest – who were lucky enough to be at Anfield for the Reds’ recent win over Brentford, where positioned in the seat right in front of us were four happy lads from Finland.
One of them, we now know, was Käärijä, the singer of the catchiest song at Eurovision, Cha Cha Cha.
But just a week before 7,000 people sung his catchphrase at the Eurovision Arena, he and two his mates – accompanied by an older bloke who had to be either his dad or from the national broadcaster – sat anonymously in the same corner of the lower level of Anfield’s Main Stand.
He was utterly unknown to us as well of course, and the only thing that saw him stand out was his green nail varnish. Live and let live, of course, but it still ensures that you make an impression even if it looks like you were just very late for St Patrick’s Day.
Käärijä may well be Liverpool’s greatest Scandinavian fan, although the bar for that is set fairly high, given that they invade the city in greater numbers every two weeks than the Vikings did just once during the first millennium.
Equally, he may not be a football fan at all – although, as the rest of the week proved, he sure loves a crowd.
Positioned as we were in the corner of the Main Stand, the next section to us, around the corner in the Anfield Road Stand – currently adding a top layer – was occupied by the visiting Brentford supporters.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
A Different View with Dave O’Connell
Contactless payments reached a record €17.9 billion in Ireland last year – up by 31 per cent on 2021, as people came out from under their Covid shell and appear to have left their cash behind them.
Figures from the Banking & Payments Federation found that – despite the cost-of-living increases – the Irish public made three million contactless payments a day, worth an average of €53 million in the final quarter of 2022.
Given that there are 3.8 million people in Ireland over the age of 18, that means that almost every single one of us tapped the card every day last year.
And again, on the presumption that there are a few who still prefer peeling a fifty off a wad of notes, the true figure may be even higher, as we eschew actual money every time we go into a restaurant, bar or shop.
Then comes the monthly morning of reckoning when you open your statement – electronic of course because, like paper money, banks don’t deal in paper statements anymore either – and your guilty secrets unfurl like a rap sheet before your very eyes.
Five taps of a Friday night in the local, followed by a five-ounce burger meal on the way home.
And just why did you need a family-pack of crisps when a small bag would have done? Was all that beer and wine really for a party, or a night in just for one?
Cash provided plenty of dark corners to ignore your profligacy, but there are no hiding places in the contactless world.
Worse still, until that morning of reckoning arrives, you’ve no clue how much you’ve spent, and handing over the card doesn’t hurt half as much as parting with hard cash.
For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.
Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App
Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.
Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite HERE.
Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.
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