My phone company has no number for complaints!

Double Vision with Charlie Adley

When I write about consumer issues it’s not because I think my problems are unique, but rather because I know that so many of you suffer cruel inequities and hideous iniquities as the customers of large corporations.

My credit card’s expiry date came and a new card was issued. Same number, same name, just a new expiry date and authorisation code. So off to the web went this obedient little punter, updating my card details on various websites, all very easy-peesy lemon squeezy. On one site I was a little disturbed to find that the expiry date had already been altered. Cookies? Bots? Who knows what cyber-creatures managed that feat?

Then my monthly bill arrived from eMobile, with twice the normal charge, so I called them up to find out why, only to be told that the direct debit on my credit card had been declined. They suggested I should call my credit card company.

Straightaway I did just that, as I needed to know if my card had been compromised. I wanted neither a black mark on my credit rating, nor to pay for a brand new three piece suite for a bunch of criminal skangers.

After a rake of menus I spoke to somebody who told me that no attempt had been made to take money from me for that bill on those dates. There had been no decline as there had been no request. They said I needed to speak to eMobile about it.

So off I went back to eMobile, remembering tales of woe told long ago by my good friend The Body, who had many travails with this crew in the past.

More menus came and went, more shifting me around departments, until I had a Homer Simpson moment.

D’oh! It’s the card’s expiry date! Could that be the cause of the problem?

“Oh yes!” said eMobile, “That’ll be it.”

“Great! So can I update my credit card with you now?”

“No, we’ll have to send you out a Credit Card Direct Debit Mandate form in the post.”

“You’re kidding me. But I already have a Direct Debit with Eircom and when I signed up for Emobile you took loads of security checks, and anyway, here I am trying to pay you, not defraud anyone, but you’re insisting it has to be done by mail? Can’t I just go on your website and do it, as I did with everyone else?”

“Well, you could because our website does have that functionality. But at the moment that functionality isn’t working.”

“Sorry, did you just say that the functionality isn’t working?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“Do you realise how crazy that sounds?”

“Yes, I do. You’re not the first person to query this procedure.”

For more, read this week’s Galway City Tribune.