Keeping it in the family to rid pong from your pits

A Different View with Dave O’Connell

Never mind that futile search for a path to world peace – scientists have come up with a solution to the biggest conundrum of all…and all along, the solution turns out to have been much closer than you could ever think.

It’s the secret to a sweat-free – and therefore stress-free – existence by either solving your own problem with the pong from your pits or by dropping a gentle hint to your overpowering neighbour to help them shake the stink.

And it doesn’t require an expensive deodorant or – as ladies with large bank accounts seem to believe – Botox injections under the arms to kill off that area entirely.

Botox in the arm pits may never solve your smelly problem – but, because it removes all feeling, it will make sure than nobody will ever be able to tickle you there again.

No, the solution to banishing sweat is both simple and free – all you have to do is to apply a liberal splash of the sweat of a more fragrant family member.

Of course this involves a certain willingness to appear deranged to your nearest and dearest – how do you casually harness their natural ‘fragrance’ without appearing to have lost the plot?

But even that seems like a small price to pay to prevent a widening damp patch spreading like the Ebola virus down both sides of your good shirt.

And this is no housewife’s tale either; the London Times recently revealed that it has now been scientifically proven that a bacterial transplant from a close relative can help to alleviate problems with body odour by colonising your armpits with less malodorous microbes.

First off, fresh sweat apparently does not smell – and the reason armpits do smell is that bacteria live in them and produce unpleasant compounds.

Contrary to popular myth – among teenage boys in particular – this problem is not solved simply by a liberal spraying of Lynx. The only chance than has of success is on the basis that it destroys your ability to smell anything.

No, this solution costs nothing at all – unless of course, all of your close family members are even smellier than you.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.