Galway man’s insight into battle with depression

A Galway man has opened up about his battle with depression in a heartfelt open letter.

Salthill man Seán Nee’s honest account of his anxiety and depression has been praised by celebrities who have had similar experience, including Conor Cusack and singer Niall Breslin (Bressie).

The former Jes student wrote the open letter, which is on his blog while he was working at a surfing camp on a remote island in Indonesia.

The 29-year-old photographer paints a picture of paradise – of sunny climes and the best waves on the planet.

But as his detailed account of anxiety and depression attest, people can struggle no matter how rosy their lives appear to others from the outside looking in.

“I wanted to give you an insight into the mind of someone with an illness of the mind and to explain how important it is to emotionally support each other,” he says.

“I also wanted to show people that no matter how blue the water or high the palm tree is on someone’s Facebook profile, it does not show how happy they are.”

Earlier in the open letter, he gives a vivid account of the turmoil in the mind of someone struggling with anxiety and depression.

“I am confused as to how I should feel right now. I feel restless and suffocated by a sensation like a strong elastic band wrapped tight around my ribcage constricting my lungs. My mind is racing between thoughts of self-hatred and self-harm. I feel unable to stop pulling the hairs out of my beard and my muscles ache. I look around me and see other people content with the moment, where as I am in a constant battle with it.

“My heart is hurting which is making my anxiety worse. I am trying to focus on writing one-letter-at-a-time! But my thoughts that everyone hates me or people might be talking about me are hard to push away; the anxiety grows. I can’t get comfortable, the fear is unbearable,” he writes.

He points out that just two days previous he had “the best surf of my life”.

“Nothing particularly negative has happened between then and now, and yet I feel the complete opposite. My self-confidence is a diminishing drizzle and I feel paranoid. I believe no-one cares whether I exist or not. I am nothing. I am in a position I don’t deserve so I keep my head down and break all eye contact with the others. The only thing I can really focus on is to end this feeling.”

As the letter continues, Seán touches on the subject of suicide. “Burying our heads in the sand will not help anyone so we need to face this issue head-on and see what we can do,” he says.

Another interesting aspect to his account is just how ‘normal’ he appears to others.

“I don’t think you would guess I had any issues if you met me, even those who know me well were shocked when they found out. I laugh a lot, I’m pretty social, have a loving family and I’ve a good group of friends.”

He says he struggled with “extreme anxiety and crippling depression” throughout his school days and reached a low aged 27 when he was admitted to hospital.

He gives a brutally honest outline of his thoughts on people’s perceptions of the illness – the ‘depression deniers’ – and on how it is treated.

But he ends on an uplifting note.

“For any young people reading this, or anyone, who is suffering from depression or anxiety disorder, I hope I haven’t scared you. I have more good days than bad ones and I have felt love and joy many times. I know I will in future – so will you! You may go through this rough patch but you can get through it. You will know yourself better and will have a greater empathy for others. Keep your heads held high.”

The full letter can be viewed here