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A Different View

Fool-proof guide to help ensure a happy family

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Marie O'Malley, Denis McElligott, Deputy Kathleen Lynch, Minister of State of the Department of Health, Emanuele Feare, Sarah McDonagh, Helen Madden and Pat Kennedy.prepare to cut a cake to mark the opening of the Clarinbridge Nursing Home's new services. Photo: Stan Shields.

A Different View with Dave O’Connell

There are times in any household when you’d give your right arm for the key to a happy family – but one man’s suggestions would probably really only encourage you to leave things the way they are.

Bruce Feiler is the author of the New York Times bestseller, The Secrets of Happy Families, and he has established half a dozen characteristics that the happiest of homes have in common.

For what it’s worth, I think ours has none of them – and to the best of my knowledge, I also don’t know of any home that does.

But for what it’s worth, this is his template for a happy family – and it begins with creating a family mission statement.

By this he means coming up with a list of what’s important, in terms of values and what it means to be part of a family. As this involves actually communicating with each other, we’re in deep trouble already.

Second suggestion is to share your family history – which is fine if it’s actually worth sharing. Some of us have spent half a lifetime trying to forget it, so the notion of opening that can of worms to share with your kids is terrifying beyond belief.

But apparently researchers at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, carried out a study that showed that the children who know more about their family history had a greater belief that they could control their world and a higher degree of self-confidence.

Which is fine if you come from a long list of high achievers – otherwise best move on to number three … a weekly family meeting.

He describes this as a sort of family board meeting – 20 minutes, once a week where Bruce and his brood basically ask three questions.

What worked well this week, what didn’t work well this week, and what will we agree to work on in the week ahead?

“And if the kids meet the goal, they get to help pick a reward. And if they don’t, they get to help pick a punishment,” he says – although presumably that punishment/reward cannot involve actually drowning Bruce.

In any event that should lead smoothly onto his next cornerstone – how to fight right.

This isn’t a boxing match like you were making a reality television series for Channel 4, but rather a way of resolving arguments by effectively boring all concerned into submission.

“We ask our kids to come up with three alternatives. In negotiation speak, this is ‘Expand the pie before you divide the pie’. And nobody is leaving the table until there are three options,” he explains.

Fifth on the list is one that could work – and that’s to have family dinner together … at any time of the day.

Because apparently there is a wave of research in the US that shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit suicide or develop eating disorders.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.

 

Connacht Tribune

If you don’t know who you are, the door staff have no chance

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Dave O'Connell

A Different View with Dave O’Connell

The only time in your life that you should ever utter the words: “Do you know who I am?” are if you’ve just had a bang on the head or you are unfortunately suffering from dementia.

Because, otherwise, the phrase ‘do you know who I am’ only serves to make things a whole lot worse.

Normally, the phrase is unleashed towards late night door staff on a wave of alcohol – and never once in the history of time has it produced the result the utterer had intended.

The doorman may well know who you are which is often the very reason you’re not getting into the place in the first instance – or if he doesn’t know who you are, he won’t be unduly influenced when he does, unless you’re a famous movie star or his long-lost cousin.

‘Do you know where I am?’ might often be closer to the phrase you’re looking for, because that would serve you well when you’re looking for a taxi.

‘Do you know who I am?’ is a threatening phrase that in truth wouldn’t frighten the cat. But if you’re anxious to dig the hole a few shovels deeper, you should follow up with ‘I’d like to speak to your manager.’

Managers can be elusive at the best of times, but they’re normally rarer than hen’s teeth when it comes to the small hours of the morning – and even if they’re there, they are most likely watching proceedings on CCTV…just so they know who you are, in case you yourself can’t remember.

‘I’d like to speak to your manager’ suggests that you and he or she are from the one social sphere which is several strata north of the one occupied by door staff.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.

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Connacht Tribune

Eurovision is just a giant party that could never cause offence

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Dave O'Connell
Dave O'Connell

A Different View with Dave O’Connell

As it turned out, we were much closer to a Eurovision win than we could ever have imagined – not Ireland, of course, because we’ve now mastered the art of just sending cannon fodder to be blown out in the semi-final.

No, this was just two of us – myself and our eldest – who were lucky enough to be at Anfield for the Reds’ recent win over Brentford, where positioned in the seat right in front of us were four happy lads from Finland.

One of them, we now know, was Käärijä, the singer of the catchiest song at Eurovision, Cha Cha Cha.

But just a week before 7,000 people sung his catchphrase at the Eurovision Arena, he and two his mates – accompanied by an older bloke who had to be either his dad or from the national broadcaster – sat anonymously in the same corner of the lower level of Anfield’s Main Stand.

He was utterly unknown to us as well of course, and the only thing that saw him stand out was his green nail varnish. Live and let live, of course, but it still ensures that you make an impression even if it looks like you were just very late for St Patrick’s Day.

Käärijä may well be Liverpool’s greatest Scandinavian fan, although the bar for that is set fairly high, given that they invade the city in greater numbers every two weeks than the Vikings did just once during the first millennium.

Equally, he may not be a football fan at all – although, as the rest of the week proved, he sure loves a crowd.

Positioned as we were in the corner of the Main Stand, the next section to us, around the corner in the Anfield Road Stand – currently adding a top layer – was occupied by the visiting Brentford supporters.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.

Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App

Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.

Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.

Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite  HERE.

Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.

 

 

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Connacht Tribune

Tapping is contactless – but it’s soulless too

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Dave O'Connell
Dave O'Connell

A Different View with Dave O’Connell

Contactless payments reached a record €17.9 billion in Ireland last year – up by 31 per cent on 2021, as people came out from under their Covid shell and appear to have left their cash behind them.

Figures from the Banking & Payments Federation found that – despite the cost-of-living increases – the Irish public made three million contactless payments a day, worth an average of €53 million in the final quarter of 2022.

Given that there are 3.8 million people in Ireland over the age of 18, that means that almost every single one of us tapped the card every day last year.

And again, on the presumption that there are a few who still prefer peeling a fifty off a wad of notes, the true figure may be even higher, as we eschew actual money every time we go into a restaurant, bar or shop.

Then comes the monthly morning of reckoning when you open your statement – electronic of course because, like paper money, banks don’t deal in paper statements anymore either – and your guilty secrets unfurl like a rap sheet before your very eyes.

Five taps of a Friday night in the local, followed by a five-ounce burger meal on the way home.

And just why did you need a family-pack of crisps when a small bag would have done? Was all that beer and wine really for a party, or a night in just for one?

Cash provided plenty of dark corners to ignore your profligacy, but there are no hiding places in the contactless world.

Worse still, until that morning of reckoning arrives, you’ve no clue how much you’ve spent, and handing over the card doesn’t hurt half as much as parting with hard cash.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.

Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App

Download the Connacht Tribune Digital Edition App to access to Galway’s best-selling newspaper.

Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.

Or purchase the Digital Edition for PC, Mac or Laptop from Pagesuite  HERE.

Get the Connacht Tribune Live app
The Connacht Tribune Live app is the home of everything that is happening in Galway City and county. It’s completely FREE and features all the latest news, sport and information on what’s on in your area. Click HERE to download it for iPhone and iPad from Apple’s App Store, or HERE to get the Android Version from Google Play.

 

 

 

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