Flipper’s final flop: political Life of Brian coming to an end

Bradley Bytes – A sort of political column by Dara Bradley

Not since Zayn Malik departed boyband One Direction, leaving acres and acres of tearful teeny-boppers worldwide distraught, has there been a greater fuss made about the departure of a star.

Step forward Our Crooner Brian Walsh, the Fine Gael Galway West TD, who announced last week that he would not be contesting the general election in Spring.

Cue an outcry and floods of tears from outraged constituents, who took to the city streets demanding Brianeen change his mind, an ever-present trait of his that was perfected while warming the Government backbenches in Dáil Éireann.

We jest, we jest. There was no fuss at all. In fact, had Zayn Malik broken wind it would have created more commotion than that which greeted Brianeen’s announcement.

Sure, he got the almost-obligatory whistles and bells send-off on the Keith Finnegan Show on Galway Bay FM, as caller after caller phoned in to say how great he was – reports that the radio studio door had to be widened to facilitate the passage of Brianeen’s swelled head after he was slobbered over live on air by his adoring fans could not be confirmed.

But there wasn’t any statement from FG HQ. And An Taoiseach, Enda Kenny, his buddy-old-pal, didn’t so much as utter a thank you in public.

Maybe it’s because his peers didn’t believe he’s actually gone or going – he has flip-flopping form, remember.

He changed his mind when he was selected to run for the Dáil in 2007. That year Pádraic McCormack signalled he would retire but Brianeen subsequently changed his mind and pulled out forcing McCormack to backtrack and shelve retirement plans.

And then there was the whole ‘will-he-won’t-he’ palaver over his membership of Fine Gael after voting against the Government on abortion.

His constituency and party colleague, Seán Kyne, as far as we can make out, is the only politician to have issued a farewell statement.

Then again, Seán was elected on Brian’s surplus; and his statement – measured, minus the euphoria he was really feeling – was almost immediate. Seán, the wily old fox, wasn’t taking it to chance that Brianeen might change his mind!

The rest kept quiet though. Maybe it’s because they’re political animals and Brian is of no use to them anymore. Or maybe it’s because rivals are happy to see him go.

The probable reason there was no kerfuffle is everyone already knew and had looked forward to a Life of No Brian.

For more, read this week’s Galway City Tribune.