Dwarlinks! Luvees! Hot and Exclusive – DV Awards 2014!

Double Vision with Charlie Adley

You can’t open a magazine or switch on a telly right now without being forcibly presented with an awards show. But you don’t care.

You’re not bothered about Sports Personalities of the Year or the RTE Squirming Newscaster of 2014 (one contender, one winner: our Sharon, squirming-in-her-seat queen of all she surveys), because you know what matters.

There’s only one annual award ceremony you need concern yourselves with. Oh lucky you – it’s the one you’re attending right now.

So let’s get on with the show, and the winner of year’s first coveted DV goes to Garth Brooks, who wins the Bertie Ahern DV for A Name We Need Never Hear Again.

Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks.

For days, weeks, months, aeons it felt as if every news bulletin, every conversation, every tweet was about Garth Brooks.

I could see why so many in Ireland became so het up about it, but sadly they couldn’t see how pathetically tiny the debacle was in the order of things. Syria was burning. Patients lay on trolleys in Irish hospitals. Yet for an age the only story in town was Garth Brooks. It was nothing but a classic Old School screw-up of planning and paper, pockets and puppets.

Then I heard a politician asking on the news: “What will the world think?”

I squirmed in my seat with an arse-ripple that put Sharon ni to shame. Sometimes I feel slightly and uncomfortably embarrassed for Ireland, just as you do when someone you love doesn’t know they have a piece of spinach on their teeth

What will the world think?

Frankly, dear Ireland, the world doesn’t give a damn.

Moving swiftly on into the realm of dark despicable beasts, himself the Castlebar Cowboy Enda Kenny is this year’s clear winner of the Paddy Through The Looking Glass DV for Creative Political Thinking.

At one point during the McNulty appointment farce, the country was being led by a Fine Gael Taoiseach whose final vestiges of credibility lay in the hope that the vote going through the Dáil would be won by Fianna Fáil.

Fair play to you, Enda. That takes some doing.

It also takes creative thinking to name the same person winner and runner-up in the same DV category, but hey, there’s a reason why it’s called Through The Looking Glass.

For more, read this week’s Galway City Tribune.