‘Bright sparks’ lock horns over how to spend a penny

Bradley Bytes – A sort of political column by Dara Bradley

There are few bright sparks at City Hall. And there are quite a few up there well capable of talking sh**e.  Little wonder then that the latest bun-fight in the Council chamber relates to the electricity connection to a public toilet. We kid you not.

The toilet talk was instigated by City Councillor Pádraig ‘Potty-Mouth’ Conneely, who is known for having that special ability to talk through his backside; and Director of Services, Tom Connell, who wouldn’t exactly electrify the chamber with his monotone delivery.

Pádraig, a long-time campaigner for a public convenience at Earls Island, opposite Galway Cathedral, wanted to know why the toilet was installed but not yet open for business.

He was bursting to use it for weeks now, and apparently got caught short on a few occasions while its opening was delayed.

He attempted to tie Tom up in toilet paper knots over the delay, which was due to an ESB electricity connection.

Pádraig had contacted ESB, who, he said, were unaware that they were supposed to hook up the fancy bog. “That was the first they heard of it,” he thundered.

Puce with rage, the usually soft-spoken Tom, was taking no, eh, sh*t from Conneely, and uncharacteristically snorted back: “There remains an issue with the electricity connection . . . that was requested from ESB weeks ago. I’d like to know who exactly it was Cllr Conneely was talking to in ESB . . . he’s wrong.”

Pádraig was not happy with the charge for using the new toilet. “You have to pay 20 cent now to spend a penny,” he said, barely able to contain his laughter at his own joke.

Fianna Fáil’s Ollie Crowe, hinting at Padraig’s renowned ability to peel an orange in his pocket, retorted: “You won’t be paying for it anyway, that’s for sure!”

Pádraig, with a neck that would rival that of a giraffe, claimed credit for getting the ESB to connect the toilet; and he invited Tom to the official opening.

That was last week but as you can see from this shameless photograph sent to us by Pádraig’s PR people, Tom didn’t turn up at the ‘official’ unveiling of the new loo. Apparently he had better things to do.

Reports that the lavatory was blocked after Pádraig took the maiden dump in it could not be verified. But passersby have noticed a peculiar smell in the vicinity of the leithreas since he was last seen lurking there.

Meanwhile, Pádraig secured a special introductory offer for users of the new jacks.

“As a goodwill gesture there will be no cost to use the toilet for the first week which coincides with Galway Novena,” said Pádraig in his press release.

You couldn’t make it up.

For more, read this week’s Galway City Tribune.